DECEMBER 3 – MOMENT
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
The one moment from this year which sticks out the most to share would be the moment when I first held my son.
I was coming off of all the pain medication that had been put in to my body too late to take effect so I had that plus the natural endorphines pumping through my blood from an "all natural" c-section. Feeling them cut me open, move my innards around, and pull my son out of my body was the most painful memory I have. But the more vivid memory is sitting alone in my room.
Matt was with the baby. I was alone and shaking. The room was dark, most of the lights out. A nurse kept coming in to check my vitals but I didn't talk to her. I just stared at the clock. Wondering where my son was.
Then I felt it. The pain in my neck. It throbbed. I remember vaugely arching my back and screaming all during labor, now I feel the pain of that arch having pulled a muscle in my neck.
I beg the nurse to get me a heat pack telling her how badly my neck hurts. She checks my abdomen and says I will be fine.
I think she thinks that I am crazy.
After what has felt like hours but has only been a few minutes my father and mother followed by my two sisters walk through the door. Addie comforts me. She has been the c-section route and her words do soothe me.
She tells me this uncontrollable shaking is normal.
Soon Matt comes pushing a plastic bassinet on wheels and inside wrapped in a blanket is this sweet little stranger who isn't really a stranger.
My whole pregnancy I had looked forward to pushing my baby out and having them lay him on my chest.
Matt hands him to me and I hold him close and begin to cry.
Even now the thought of this moment brings me to tears.
He smelled new. There is no other way to describe it. His eyes are big like mine but covered by his daddy's eyelashes. We have made this perfect little body and God had sent us the perfect little spirit to fill it.
Matt wrapped his arm around me as I held our son and I begin to cry.
I don't think I have ever felt more happy or more alive.
3 comments:
Somehow our moments book-end a fully lived life. Today I wrote about how I felt when I was saying goodbye to my mother. A moment seized from the other end of a life line. Or is it a circle?
Reading your post I am reminded (again) that life is a complete circle and there are a million moments to feel alive, if you can muster it.
This is such a beautiful moment!
This was beautiful! What an absolutely perfect moment. I will definitely be back for more.
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