Maybe (Next to Normal)

"I don't need a life that's normal,

that's way too far away.

But something Next to Normal,

would be okay.

Yes, something Next to Normal,

that's the thing I'd like to try.

Close enough to normal,

to get by."

- Musical "Next to Normal

My friend Amanda was looking at my ipod once and commented on how it was almost all musicals. It's true. For the most part I find my soul is best expressed through the words I find in musical after musical. I always have.

As long as I can remember I have been in love with Musical Theatre. I was lucky that my family also enjoyed it, or I might have been even more annoying that I am naturally. There is an emotion that is reached in the music that touches my soul in a way nothing else can.

Life is changing so quickly.

I am almost at my 2 year mark of being home from my mission. (Jan 30, 2008) For me, like many people, my mission was something that seemed to define me. Who I was, who I wanted to become, most of my life goals were made in New England. I changed there. Maybe not in ways that you can see but ways that have effected how I live each and every day.

My biggest fear lately has been our Little Man. I love this little boy inside of me so much already and I know that it will grow exponentially when we comes out of me. I am so scared that he won't have a "normal" life. That I will mess up so badly that he won't be able to handle it.

That's where today's lyrics come from.

In the musical a mentally insane mother explains to her sixteen year old

"we tried to give you a normal life, I realize I have no clue what that is."

to which the daughter responds with the lyrics listed above.

THe older I get the more I think that people don't have a "normal" childhood, or adolescence or adulthood. There are things, challenges/trials, that each of us are given. It makes life difficult but it also makes life interesting and worth living.

There are things I have in my past, present and I am sure in my future that will be hard.

I get to choose how I handle them and how I let the affect me.

"Sometimes life is insane, but crazy I know I can do.

Cuz crazy is perfect, and messed up is perfect,

so I will be perfect, perfect for you."

(Hey #3/Perfect for you, Next to Normal)

So there you have it.

I am accepting that my oddities, my craziness, my obsession,

my fear, my everything makes me who I am.

And "crazy" can be perfect.

My family isn't perfect but I wouldn't change one sibling or parent for someone else.

My marriage isn't perfect but I couldn't be happier with anyone other than Matt.

I won't be a perfect mother, but I will be the best mother our Little Man will have.