Rainbows and Sunshine

I sat watching the rainfall this evening. It was dusk. The sky overcast and a deep gray. As I watched each and every drop fall it felt as if the sky was crying all the tears that I just can't seem to get out of my eyes.
Life is good but life has been hard.

Someone talked to me about how I must be learning such patience. I don't think that is what I am learning. I am learning acceptance. To accept things where they are at. To find peace as well as joy in the journey.
I don't cry often. Someone once told me I was overly emotional. I excite easily. Sometimes I remind myself of a puppy. However, I do not cry. It actually drives Matt crazy. I have to watch a cheesy commercial or sad movie just to allow myself to feel the emotions that I am so good at bottling up inside.

Sorry, I don't want this to be a downer post but I do want to capture all that I have felt and experienced in the past month and a half since my water broke.
Hospital bed rest was hard. Harder than I think most people would give it credit for. Sure I got to nap whenever I wanted but the toll of being away from my boys, constantly being worried about the girls coming too soon, it was taxing.

The girls are healthy. They are strong. They are feisty like their momma. They bring me a joy that has only come to me with each of my children. My girls bring me great joy. Between them and the boys I know I am more blessed than I deserve.
Yet today all I wanted to do was cry.

I want all my babies under one roof. I want to hear my daughters cry in the middle of the night instead of waking to an alarm to go and pump for them. I want to spend more than just a couple minutes together as a whole family.

I am grateful for all those who have reached out to help us. Family and our neighbors have filled in so many times when we couldn't be there. They have made it so we can visit our girls, so that we could survive me being on bed rest. We are indebted to you all.
Thank you for being a community who has rooted for us, prayed for us, and who continue to help us. We are incredibly blessed. Thank you.

Now for updates on the girls.
The nurses all love our girls and it is great to see the amazing care and love they are receiving when we can't be with them. Once again I am so grateful for our wonderful care we receive at the University of Utah hospitals.
The girls are on a strict 3 hour schedule where they are changed, fed, cuddled and then put back down. Their schedules are 1 hour apart, Indy is first, so we will work on getting them a little closer together whenever they come home.
The girls have no problems. They haven't needed oxygen for more than 3 hours in each of their lives. We are simply waiting for them to feed and grow. They have grown big enough that they can now come home as soon as they learn to eat.
There is a chance that one girl might come home before the other. In some ways that would be horrible and wonderful all at the same time. One family I met while living at the hospital took their girls home within 24 hours of each other. In some ways that sounds so nice but I am hoping to bring them home together and soon.
Annie is doing better and feeding than Indy. Indy is just over 5 lbs, Annie is just over 4. They are so much bigger than they were when they were born but they are still so itty bitty.
The boys are so gentle with them and they love them so much.
I am excited for when we are all together again.