"I see the same skies through brown eyes, That you see through blue
But we're worlds apart, worlds apart.
Just like the earth, just like the sun
Two worlds together are better than one
I see the sun rise in your eyes
That you see in mine
But we're worlds apart, worlds apart."
So we went to the temple last week. It was a really neat experience.
(To learn more about the temple, visit Mormon.org)
When we were done doing our temple "work" Matt and I agreed to meet up in the Celestial room. The celestial room in the Bountiful temple is absolutely gorgeous! And is definitely one of my favorite places to sit and reflect. I had lots of time to do that, because for some reason I always finish before Matt does so I am left with lots of solo time to ponder the things going on in my life.
One of those things that I found really interesting was a discussion we had in Gospel Doctrine class on Sunday. They had talked about the "law of chastity".
This is a law that Mormon's are supposed to live. It means while we are single we don't really do much more than kiss and that we are completely faithful to our spouse once we are married. Ideally, the only sexual partner a latter day saint will have is their spouse.
They were talking about how in modern society this seemed like such an outside concept. One of the teachers who works very closely with the leaders of our church (the first presidency, presiding bishopric, and twelve apostles) also talked about a different part of the Law of Chastity.
He mentioned that the law of chastity also talks about the responsibility to HAVE children.
In today's society we put off our families for so many reasons, school, career, finances, personal wants and according to this man (and several articles I have read since from LDS.org) it's a HUGE problem.
I guess I am wondering what other people think about it. I know our son could have more "things" if Matt and I were waiting until after law school to start our family. I also know what a personal decision it was on when to begin trying for our Little Man. I am trying not to sound judgemental, just curious about others views on this.
I feel that what I have studied is true that if you put off having kids until you "get through college" it will be easier to keep putting them off until you are "more established in your career" or have "better finances" to take care of them.
On paper having a child never really seems to make sense. But I wouldn't trade the joys, and the pains, of Levi growing inside of me, kicking, punching, rolling around, for a million tax free dollars. It is the most amazing rewarding experience I have ever had.
The reason I chose the title "world's apart" is because I have a feeling we will all view this one so differently. That my "brown eyes" will see the same things that your "blue eyes" see but do we really see the same thing? Or are we world's apart in our understanding?
6 comments:
We personally didn't wait to have kids. We have 3 now and are still not done with school and still not settled in a career. I know people judge us for it and think we must be crazy and that if we had just waited we could have been more "prepared". But if you wait until you think you're ready, you'll be waiting a very long time. Having kids is a leap of faith, and for us the leap was more than worth it.
We waited until my husband was done with grad school, and established at a job that had health benefits. That was important to us. If he had chosen to go to law school or medical school, or some other kind of additional specialized training, we probably would not have waited for him to be done with that first. By the time I got pregnant, we had been married about 21 months or so, which was a good time frame for us anyway.
I agree with you. I think it is so selfish to wait. There will never be a time that is perfect to have kids! If we had waited for Mike to finish school and for a house, we wouldn't have either of our kids! I think we forget that the plan of salvation is about coming to earth to get a body and we can't do that if people are not having children.
I'll be your dissenting vote.
This is a personal thing - but something no one hesitates to ask.
Husband and I don't feel like we are waiting or prolonging things -- I am only 24 -- but we do want me to be able to be home more and we are working toward that.
Church leaders have said to go into debt for a house, transportation and school. Right now if we had a child, we would be going into debt -- student loans or what not -- just to pay for living expenses, and relying on welfare.
I know that many people do that - and that is fine for them. But I can't justify it in my brain as self-reliant.
Also, I still struggle with PTSD and am hesitant to ever bring a child into that environment. So we'll see
I wholeheartedly disagree that it is "selfish" to wait to have a child! How can it be selfish to recognize in yourself that you are simply not ready (mentally) to make the commitment to drop everything (which, in spite of women today being so much more independent, is still what most women end up having to do) to have a child? I know for fact that, while I may be ready to commit myself to the man I love, I am NOT ready to change my life to the point that a child would require. I know that, if I got pregnant right now, I would do my best to love and nurture that kid, but I would also have a lingering sense of "what if" that I'm desperately afraid would come across in my upbringing of that child.
"Waiting" isn't simply about the right time or having the right amount of money. If you bring a child into this world because it seems like the romantic idea, the next logical step, or something that will make your marriage stronger, in my opinion those are just as ridiculous reasons to have a kid as waiting to have enough money is a stupid reason to wait. (If that makes sense.) Having kids is nothing to take lightly...just because you're married does NOT make it the right time to start a family. In fact, I think having a kid immediately after marriage (no offense to anyone on here) is a very risky tactic, especially depending on how long/short your courtship was. If you don't know how to live with that person without kids around, you're going to be in for a very rude awakening come time for all the kids to be out the door for college.
I plan on waiting until I'm 30 to start a family. There are things I want to be able to tell my kids about when I'm older, that I might not be able to do with them around. I want to have a career first.
Also, not waiting until you get through college to have kids is against Church advisory as well...as I recall, Church leaders encouraged everyone (women included) to educate themselves, right? Think about it this way...if you have a kid and no education, what happens if something happens to your husband? What will you do then? If you skipped out on college to start a family, you're going to have to work a WHOLE lot harder to make ends meet than if you'd waited it out a couple of years and gotten that degree first. I was raised with the teaching that I should always have the ability to support a family on my own, just in case the worst should happen. If you have to work 3 minimum-wage jobs to put food on the table and send your kids to daycare, how is that "raising" a family? Waiting to get a baseline education is NEVER a stupid thing to do, and Church leaders agree with that (at least from what I understood).
Anyways. Off my soapbox.
I can see the argument from both sides. I find that selfishness can play a role on either side of the argument. If you wait you may be thinking of your time and your life. If you don't wait you may be bringing your child into a less than ideal situation that would have been much healthier had you waited a few months, or years. For each couple I think it definitely requires a lot of self-reflection. For Jordon and I waiting to have children has been a conscious choice that we have made, not out of selfishness, but out of consideration for our children as well as ourselves. We have thought about the environment we want to bring a child into, as well as what we can handle emotionally, physically, financially, and mentally. We decided we want our kids to grow up in an environment where they are more secure. Jordon and I have been married for almost 4 years. We have been through undergrad and graduate school and the emotional, mental, physical, and financial challenges that are involved with those pursuits. I feel like these pursuits have taught us to trust eachother and our God fullheartedly. I trust that others can make the right decision based on their circumstances and there is no need to judge each other. Jordon will finish his degree this fall. We are excited to start our family soon. For us the decision was to wait until school was done. It doesn't mean that it is right or wrong for anyone else, it was just our choice. Life is all about agency. How we make our decisions is individual. Think through it your way, make your decision and then pray about it.
Post a Comment